With the opening week of the NFL coming to a close last night, it's safe to say that we saw some real surprises already. I mean, David Akers kicking a 63 yard field goal that bounced off the cross bar and over? You don't see those kinds of breaks until at least week 7! There were some pleasant and not so pleasant surprises this week:
Michael Vick looked like he was the one in a dog fight this week with the Browns. He single-handedly made the Browns in this week look like a team of All-Stars. He threw 29-56 for 317 yards, 2 touchdowns, and 4 interceptions. 4 interceptions? And I thought the Eagles were supposed to be the dream team this year? Andy Reed might have just pulled a Rex Ryan with that kind of pre-season prediction. If the Eagles had played almost any team besides the Browns in week one, odds are these 4 interceptions cost them the game, easily. Instead, they escaped with a 17-16 win to start 1-0.
RGIII had one of the most impressive starts this week, and perhaps one of the best first starts by a rookie quarterback ever. He ran well, he threw well, and he dominated the Saints. 19/26 throwing for 320 yards, 2 touchdowns, and no interceptions. He also had 10 rushes for 42 yards. I can't remember the last time the Redskins scored so evenly and often; 10 points every quarter. Not only did RGIII look impressive, he looked incredibly comfortable. I expect nothing but big things from him and the skins this year.
With almost no visible offense this pre-season, the Jet's offense came into week one and blew everyone away. Tebow even added to it by recovering an on-side kick! They finally discovered his real position. However, Mark was able to go 19-26 for 266 yards and 3 touchdowns. He really hit his marks, making some miraculous throws into good coverage. Overall, a big surprise in my opinion after what the world saw in the pre-season.
Wes Welker disappointed fantasy owners everywhere. Only being targeted 5 times, he had 3 catches for a miniscule 14 yards. Now Welker is entirely to blame, the Patriots ran a lot of 3 tight end formations, and it's hard to pass up throwing to an open Gronkowski or Hernandez. I'm sure he will bounce back and get some more targets, as the opponents will shift the focus of coverage to the best tight end duo in the league.
Year after year, you can expect the Ravens to bring some hard-hitting and well-executed defense. But when was the last time they were known for their explosive offense? They put up a week one high of 44 points against the Bengals, who should have had a much better defensive effort. 308 yards through the air and 122 on the ground provided a very balanced attack. They also tacked on a defensive touchdown in the form of an Ed Reed interception return touchdown, just so people didn't forget their defense.
Another example of a great quarterback with a horrendous start. Though he did throw for 355 yards and a touchdown, his day was clouded by the 3 interceptions he threw very early in the game. He finished with a quarterback rating of 69.4. To put that in perspective, RGIII finished with a quarterback rating of 139.9 (more than double Stafford's). Against the lowly Rams's defense, I expected much more out of Stafford than what he gave.
While watching the Jaguars vs. Vikings game, I was ready to put them in this discussion after they recorded a surprise opening-week victory. However, the Jaguars are still the Jaguars, and found a way to let it slip right out of their hands late in the 4th quarter. With the luck of the Jaguars on the Viking's side, Blaire Walsh (rookie kicker) drained a 55 yard field goal to tie the game and send it to overtime. Against any other team, that kick goes wide right. But, that's the Jaguars for you in a nutshell.
Week one was an eventful day on the couch for me. With some great match-ups set for week two, I'm looking forward to even more surprises and another awesome week of football.
"Tell me a man's name that starts with the letter K."
(Kyle, Kevin, Karl, Keith, Kenny, Kurt, or Kareem would all be valid answers here.)
"..Kentucky Fried Chicken."
EXCUSE ME? A man named Kentucky Fried Chicken?! I've heard a lot of crazy names in my time, but never have I heard of someone being named after a fast food joint. Since this was the first ridiculous answer to start this video, I knew this one would be an absolute gem. I'll pull out a few of my favorites and break down the level of stupidity involved with each answer, with a 1 being slightly stupid, and a 10 being a big what the hell were you thinking?
Q: Name a place on your body that a doctor might look in with a little flashlight.
A: "Butt", and a second answer of "butt" as well.
Okay, I guess butt can be an acceptable answer.. if you're getting regular colonoscopies or cavity searches. What kind of doctor are these two women visiting that they get their ass searched more than say their eyes, ears, nose, and mouth? Maybe it's that doctor on Scrubs that makes you drop your pants for every diagnosis. Either way, this is a pretty idiotic answer. Idiot level: 3 Q: Name a term that means "wife"
A: Bitch
This guy has some serious balls. I mean, sure rappers interchange the word bitch for a lot of things in their songs, but in regular conversation, this is clearly not acceptable. I believe he's sleeping on the couch tonight. Idiot level: 7
Q: Name a part of a telephone
A: The bottom part
Oh man.. she nailed it! How could you forget about the bottom part of the telephone! I hear that's what Apple is currently working on with the iPhone 5, the new and improved "bottom part."
Idiot level: 9
Q: Name an animal with 3 letters in it's name
A: Frog
-________________- Because he took so long and thought about this one, I really have no comment. Idiot level: 11
Q: Name something normally worn only by children
A: Clothes
Wow, I wasn't aware that only children wore clothes. What have I been wearing then? Idiot level: 8
Q: Name something you squeeze
A: Peanut butter
Hey, I can't really knock her on this one. Some people have some freaky fetishes, so maybe she gets large jars of peanut butter, sticks her hands in, and just squeezes the life out of it. But then again, who really wants to squeeze peanut butter? Give me a PB&J instead. Idiot level: 4
Q: Name something you might buy that could turn out to be phony
A: A horse
Don't you just hate when this happens? You go to the barn, think you've bought a perfectly good horse, and BOOM! It turns out its a fake... nothing but a donkey or a mule. I mean really, what constitutes a "phony" horse?Idiot level: 9
Q: Name a yellow fruit
A: An orange
Bravo, you have just given the most obviously wrong answer. If she had said apple, she could have argued that maybe she saw a yellow apple before, or even pear.. maybe she saw a yellow pear once. But trying to argue that an orange is yellow.. that just is impossible. Idiot level: off the charts
Q: Name an animal whose eggs you would probably never eat for breakfast
A: Hamster
Well considering that hamsters are mammals and don't lay eggs, he's technically right: you would probably never eat hamster eggs for breakfast. However, since they don't lay eggs, this makes him a moron.Idiot level: 8
Q: Name something you wouldn't want police to find in the trunk of your car
A: Pickles
Dead body? no problem. Weapons? Nah, those are cool. Drugs? Go ahead and take em. But pickles? I WOULD NEVER BE CAUGHT DEAD WITH THOSE IN MY TRUNK! I hear pickles are the first thing police are looking for now during traffic stops. So what is this guy doing with these pickles that he really doesn't want the police to know about? Idiot level: 10
These were just a few of my personal favorite idiotic answers. All of them completely reassure me that I am, in fact, normal and slightly intelligent. Then again, I feel like a cat would feel more intelligent after watching these answers.
Are we reverting back to the stereotypical Nike sweatshop factories? Perhaps Apple is leading the charge on this one. News has leaked out that thousands of Chinese students have had their semesters suspended so they can work at a Foxconn plant producing the iPhone 5.
After the plant couldn't find enough workers to produce the new phone, the took to Huai'an in the Jiangsu Province of China. Students here were removed from their schooling, driven to the factory, and paid minimal wages to produce the product. Working 6 days a week at up to 12 hours per day, they are making a whopping $244 per month. That breaks down to making just about $0.85 an hour. A student posting under the anonymous name of MengniuIQ84 stated that authorities had ordered the students to work, but without the consent of the factory or parents.
This is absurd, and I thought waiters making $2.45 an hour was crazy. I would love to hear what Steve Jobs would have said about this news.
I don't know what made me think of this, but once I looked up both pictures, I'm almost positive that Rob Ryan used to be Mortal Kombat's Raiden. The picture of Raiden is from 1995, and now we see Rob Ryan 17 years later. With the 17 years comes the added weight, the facial hair, and the wrinkles. While the gray hair cannot really get much more gray, it's there nonetheless. Even the facial expressions are strikingly similar here. The more I look, the more I believe it.
My verdict: I'm completely sold on this. Rob Ryan definitely was Raiden. Case closed. If the Cowboys get some bad breaks from this point on, I expect some lightning to spark from his eyes. Who knows, maybe that's just what the refs need to get the calls right.. a little fear from Raiden.
Coming off a disappointed series against the Miami Heat in the most recent playoffs, many expected the "new" Big 3 of Rondo, Garnett, and Pierce to be working like crazy this off-season to exact revenge the following year. With the Celtics adding and dropping multiple players, I personally expected to see these 3 mentoring the newcomers in their winning ways. What I DIDN'T expect was to see Rajon Rondo taking a fashion internship in New York City with GQ Magazine. If you could have placed a bet on this at the end of the season, the odds would probably have been something like 1,000,000 : 1.
I do realize that there are two main parts to an NBA game: looking good on the court, and looking even better for the post-game interview. Some pros can kill the post-game look, where as some just make me laugh. Maybe Rondo is trying to gain some inside information on the upcoming fashions so he can out-do Dwayne Wade and Lebron James's ridiculous looking glasses. Here's hoping that Rondo kills it on the floor, and changes the post-game look forever.
"I am serious, and don't call me Shirley." Thank god! This has been one of my all-time favorite movies across all genres of films. How can you not like this movie? Leslie Nielson (RIP) is pure gold in this flick. Almost everyone in the movie makes you laugh at one point, even Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Just the fact that Kareem is in this movie, playing a co-pilot pretending not to be Kareem, is awesome. I would always fight for the integrity of this movie, and now I actually have some evidence behind it!
A panel was assembled to watch all of the films that would be considered as "funniest ever." This panel then recorded how many laughs from the audience were generated, and proceeded to calculate the LPM, or Laughs Per Minute. Airplane recorded a LPM of 3. 3 laughs a minute over the entire movie? Pure comic genius if you ask me!
They proceeded to rank the top 10 movies, they are as follows:
1. Airplane - 3 LPM
2. The Hangover - 2.4 LPM
3. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad ! - 2.3 LPM
4. Superbad - 1.9 LPM
5. Borat - 1.7 LPM
6. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy - 1.6 LPM
7. American Pie - 1.5 LPM
8. Bridesmaids - 1.4 LPM
9. Shaun of the Dead - 1.3 LPM
10. Life of Brian - 1.2 LPM
I've got to be honest, I'm surprised that the entire Naked Gun series isn't on this list. Leslie Nielson can simply do no wrong. If you haven't seen Airplane, you seriously need to get your head out from under that rock and watch this.
Joey, you ever been in a cockpit before? You ever seen a grown man naked?
